Approximately 28 percent of the kids climbed in the cars by themselves and couldn’t get out. Sadly, almost 17 percent were intentionally left in the vehicles by their caregivers. However, more than 54 percent of those fatalities happened because the children were forgotten…. sometimes for hours.

So, how does a loving, responsible parent completely forget about their child in the backseat? This disturbing phenomenon happens to people of all socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, and genders. A mother, father, grandparent, or babysitter can be a scatterbrain or an obsessive fanatic – all with varying levels of education.

Caregivers can be easily distracted by a myriad of things such as a call on their cellphones, running late for work or an appointment, or simply confused by a change in their normal routine. Parents dealing with family issues or being upset over a co-parenting situation can easily get sidetracked or have a lapse in memory.

Occasionally, a caregiver may leave a sleeping child in the car while they run inside a store for a quick errand. However, a car is like an instant greenhouse and quickly heats up – even in the shade or cooler temperatures. Children are at much higher risk for heatstroke than adults, so just a few minutes in a hot car can be fatal.

Here are some tips from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) to avoid unintentionally leaving your child in a hot car:

• Place your purse, briefcase, or even a shoe in the backseat with your child so that you’ll remember to check the backseat before locking up.

• Place a stuffed animal in the empty car seat. Move it to the front seat when you place your child in the car seat as a reminder that your child is still back there.

• Set a reminder on your cellphone. You can even download a baby reminder app on your smartphone.

• Write yourself a note and stick it on the dashboard.

• Ask the daycare to call you if your child doesn’t show up within a reasonable timeframe.

• Arrange for your spouse to call you if you are habitually forgetful or stray from your normal routine.

Finally, if you see a baby or child left alone in hot vehicle call 911 immediately. If possible, try to get them out as quickly as possible. If they are in distress from the heat and need to be cooled down, use cool water – not ice.

If you or someone you know is under a great deal of stress, dealing with challenging issues, or having a hard time staying focused, please seek the help of a family therapist or mental health professional. A qualified professional can provide insight and make objective suggestions while helping you work toward specific goals to bring balance back into your life.

1. Mutually Agreeable

Collaborative divorce is highly effective because it is solution based and allows the couple to control the outcome. Open communications are smoothly facilitated by a neutral mediator in a safe and non-adversarial atmosphere that encourages mutual respect and cooperation from both sides.

2. Easier on the Children

Minimizing the hostility between couples makes the divorce process less traumatic for the kids. When conflict between parents is reduced, this enables children to adjust better. Plus, a collaborative tone sets the stage for better communications post-divorce. Read, Helpful Tips for Divorcing Parents, to find ways to help children work through this transition period.

3. Stays Out of Court

Choosing a collaborative divorce means both parties agree not to litigate and duke it out in court. With the help of neutral professionals, couples can negotiate a settlement agreement with less stress and more respect than is usually found in a traditional divorce process.

4. Less Expensive

During the economic downturn, more and more divorcing couples turned to collaboration as a practical alternative. This trend continues because the collaborative process is less costly to both sides since they don’t have attorneys squabbling over every nickel and preparing a blitz of motions for the inevitable litigation.

5. Takes Less Time to Settle

The collaborative divorce process usually takes less time because the couples and their attorneys are not wasting time and money hashing things out in court. Typically there is only one court date to get the judge’s stamp of approval so issues are settled quietly and efficiently.

When You Need Help

Dr. Susan K. Daniel is member of the Collaborative Family Law Group of Central Florida, which helps families civilly resolve disputes outside of the courtroom and focus on the welfare of the children. In addition, she is a Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator, as well as a Certified Parenting Coordinator. These qualifications enable her to provide specialized conflict resolution skills for families, including couples going through divorce. As such, Dr. Daniel is able to help parents develop successful, cost-effective co-parenting plans and time-sharing schedules in a relaxed environment, while simultaneously helping the children during the process. Please feel free to contact her if you and/or your family are going through the emotional process of a divorce.

Ideally, co-parents will continue to do family activities together while maintaining their friendship. Some even go on family vacations together. One example is estranged high profile actors, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who seem to have a great relationship, go on family outings, live on the same property, and share daily responsibilities with their three young children.

However, a more common co-parenting scenario is where the parents live in separate residences, while collaborating on parenting responsibilities while communicating amicably. More like colleagues than friends, if only for the sake of the children.

Unfortunately, some parenting relationships become adversarial and hostile with the kids placed smack-dab in the middle of the battlefield. This creates a lot of stress, fear, and resentment for children that can cause deep emotional scars that last well into adulthood. In this situation, a parallel parenting type of arrangement may work better because it minimizes the amount of contact parents have with each other, while allowing the kids to interact with both parents.

When parents work together as partners, children feel secure in the love of both parents and know they are more important than the discord surrounding the split. This reassurance gives them the ability to adjust to the inevitable transitions taking place. Co-parenting establishes similar guidelines and procedures in both households including routines, discipline, and rewards which provides much needed consistency and structure.

Here are some tips for creating a more harmonious co-parenting arrangement:

• Develop an effective parenting plan to keep the focus on the children and not on the rocky relationship.
• Remain calm and flexible when life gets in the way. Sometimes plans need to be changed or someone may get sick.
• Both parents should back-up one another and be consistent with bedtimes and schedules.
• Never badmouth the other parent in front of your child because it will make them feel very uncomfortable. You may even see some unpleasant behavior develop out of the negativity.
• Be open and honest when kids ask questions. The last thing you want is for them to internalize and blame themselves for the break-up.
• Don’t use your child a messenger for communicating with your ex. Talk to the other parent directly or use another adult as a facilitator.

Sometimes, even with the most amicable of splits, establishing an effective co-parenting plan with your ex can be difficult. And, in a high conflict relationship, therapeutic intervention is almost always needed. A qualified mental health professional can provide parenting and dispute resolution coordination, and post-divorce family therapy for all members of the family.

Many of us deal with stress on a daily basis with demanding bosses, interfering in-laws, unpaid bills, and high-maintenance kids. Some of the ways chronic stress can affect you are physically, emotionally, and behaviorally. If you are on stress overload, you may experience some of these symptoms:

• Depression and anxiety
• Inability to focus and concentrate
• Moodiness or irritability
• Stomach or bowel issues
• Frequent colds or headaches
• Rapid heart rate or chest pains
• Change in sleeping or eating habits
• Withdrawal from social activities
• Neglecting or putting off responsibilities
• Substance abuse

Effectively managing life’s overwhelming pressures will keep you from pulling your hair out and developing an anxiety disorder or depression. Here are some tips that may help you lower your stress level:

Get your beauty sleep: The wonders of a good night’s sleep can impact many areas of your life. Sticking to a bedtime routine with 7-9 hours of actual snooze time will help to reduce anxiety, and allow you to wake up feeling refreshed and energized.

Eat well-balanced meals: Cut out the processed foods and sugar, and include more fruits, vegetables and water in your diet. In today’s organically-obsessed environment, it’s easy to find healthy, delicious foods and snacks.

Take a time-out: If the weather is nice, take a walk. Being outdoors can help adjust anyone’s perspective. Reading a good book or watching an old movie can also help take your mind off things.

Get moving: In addition to making you feel good and maintaining your health, a light exercise regimen such as aerobics or yoga can also have a positive effect on how you feel overall.

Take a deep breath: Breathe deeply by inhaling slowly through your nose to the count of three; then exhaling through pursed lips counting to three again. Blowing bubbles is another way to reduce stress because of the deep breathing – plus it’s fun!

Identify your triggers: It helps knowing what can cause a spike your stress level so that you can anticipate certain situations. One way to do that is by keeping a journal – whether it’s a paper one or an online app. Jot down whenever you are feeling stressed or anxious and look for a pattern.

If you continue to have a difficult time managing chronic stress, it may be time to talk to a mental health professional. In addition to creating anxiety and/or depression, stress can also intensify other types of disorders and should not be left untreated. The sooner you take preventive measures, the sooner you can start enjoying a better quality of life.

Parents often unknowingly subject their children to painful games during and after a divorce without considering how their actions are affecting the kids. The grown-ups are so caught up in their own personal drama they lose sight of their children’s best interests.

Ideally, divorced parents will have a peaceful co-parenting plan that everyone follows. However, different households with different rules can create a battlefield with the kids caught in the crosshairs. For example:

Parental alienation

Parental alienation is when one parent intentionally tries to poison a child’s relationship with the other parent so the child will reject the estranged parent. Some examples of alienation are painting the estranged parent as unstable, not encouraging the child to spend more time with the other parent, concealing information about the child’s well-being, or failing to consult with the other parent about important decisions.

Parental alienation is actually a form of emotional abuse that is frowned upon by the courts and could have an adverse impact by awarding more custody rights to the other parent – sometimes even sole custody.

Badmouthing

Children have shared loyalties and find it very disturbing when one parent puts down the other parent. It’s also upsetting if one parent allows people to make disparaging comments about the other parent in the child’s presence. Not only does the child feel uncomfortable with the negative things that are being said but they may also take it personally. After all, they are half dad and half mom. They may also feel they have to take sides, and if you’re the one doing the badmouthing the child may not choose yours.

On the other hand, if your ex-spouse is putting you down, don’t retaliate by engaging in similar behavior. Instead, try to put the skids on this unpleasant activity by addressing it through a trusted relative, counselor, or mediator. It’s possible the other parent may not realize the damage they are inflicting.

Undermining Authority

When both households are inconsistent with guidelines and disciplinary issues, it’s very confusing for children when one parent enforces the rules and the other one doesn’t. Younger children have trouble understanding the discrepancies and older children will try to take advantage of them. A co-parenting plan can go a long way towards creating a united front.

Some of the ways one parent will try to undermine the other parent is by playing “good cop, bad cop” by being more lenient. Or they may try to be a friend to their child rather than a parent who sets boundaries. The “popular” parent may seem to be winning at first, but in the end he/she will lose their own parental authority, and maybe even their child’s respect.

Consider Professional Help

Children can have deep emotional scars that last well into adulthood caused by parents behaving badly. However, divorce doesn’t have to be a major debilitating factor in a child’s life. And, it won’t be if parents learn how to identify stress signals and effective ways to handle challenging situations.

That’s why it is helpful to consider therapy with a mental health professional who can provide children and parents with a healthier perspective. Talk to someone who is impartial and has the family’s best interests at heart, and can help to bring a sense of balance back into everyone’s lives as they go through this difficult transition.

The Beck Institute says that “Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is a time-sensitive, structured, present-oriented psychotherapy directed toward solving current problems and teaching clients skills to modify dysfunctional thinking and behavior.”

Cognitive behavioral therapy is applied to a wide variety of issues including anxiety, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and difficulties with relationships or sleeping. Cognitive behavioral therapy can be effective for many types of other problems such as:

• Mood swings
• General health issues and chronic pain
• Chronic fatigue syndrome
• Anger management
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Eating disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorders

One of the many advantages of CBT is that it helps to deal with emotional problems in a fairly quick manner – usually taking five to ten months with one hour sessions per week. During this time, the therapist and patient work together to figure out what the issues are and find new strategies to deal with them. This includes a change of mindset and attitude that allows for a new set of appropriate values that can last a lifetime.

Often, the individual will discover how certain thinking patterns began in childhood, and how to overcome unhealthy thoughts and beliefs. Psychotherapists who practice cognitive behavioral therapy will customize the therapy to the specific needs of each individual.

What may be surprising to many is that actual events may not be what is upsetting someone. Often it’s the negative thoughts and feelings that are associated with them. For example, if an anxious child who has been bullied in the past is convinced that he will be ridiculed at school and nothing will go right, he will convince himself (and others) that he is too sick to go to school. Then, he will stay home and fret about his failure to show up to the point he’ll want to stay home again the next day. When in reality, he could have gone to school, performed well and felt really good about himself.

Cognitive behavioral therapy addresses these issues with structured sessions that include talking about specific problems and setting goals. The goals usually include main topics that need to be worked on during the coming week. Patients are also given homework that may include keeping a diary of certain incidents, or exercises on how to cope with particular situations.

If you or someone you love could benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy, please contact a qualified mental health professional who can recommend the best course of treatment after a comprehensive evaluation, and help bring balance back into life. Dr. Susan K Daniel, specializes in cognitive behavioral treatment, and can help develop an effective treatment plan.

• Palpitations or accelerated heart rate
• Chest pains
• Stomach cramps or nausea
• Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
• Dizziness or disorientation
• Chills
• Sweating
• Shaking or trembling
• Numbness or tingling
• Fear of losing control or dying

People who have panic attacks may only experience one or two episodes in their lifetime, although the majority have reoccurring attacks creating a panic disorder. This can be caused by social phobia, depression or an anxiety disorder. Panic attacks can also happen when an individual is dealing with a lot of stress at work or home, suffering from a lack of sleep or exercise, or recovering from a painful incident.

Most people don’t know they have a panic disorder initially because the symptoms mimic other health issues such as heart disease, respiratory problems, thyroid issues, etc. Sometimes there are a number of trips to the emergency room before a panic disorder is diagnosed.

Individuals dealing with panic attacks are left feeling frustrated and uncertain because they don’t understand why these episodes are happening or how to prevent them from occurring again. They live in fear wondering when and where the “next shoe is going to drop,” making it hard to relax and enjoy life. Sometimes locations or situations are avoided in an attempt to prevent an attack.

Regardless of the cause, panic attacks are treatable. To help bring your life back into balance, try some of the following suggestions:

• Learn to recognize triggers by understanding how your body and mind respond to certain types of stimuli. This will help you develop a better response when you become anxious, and may even help to prevent an attack altogether.

• If you feel yourself becoming overly anxious, use diversionary tactics such as going for a walk or some other type of exercise. Maintaining a light exercise regimen such as aerobics or yoga produces endorphins which has a positive effect on how you feel overall. Reading, watching TV, or listening to music can also be helpful diversions.

• Live a healthy lifestyle by always eating breakfast and continuing with healthy meals and snacks throughout the day to keep your blood sugar elevated. Be sure to also reduce alcohol and nicotine, and get plenty of sleep each night.

• Relax your breathing and muscles by closing your eyes and taking deep breaths through your nose. Visualize yourself in a serene location such as a stream with the water flowing gently by, or the shoreline with gently cresting waves.

Finally, consult with a mental health professional. Depending on the severity of the panic attacks, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) may be recommended. Your therapist can help you work out a plan to help ward off future panic attacks and put you back in control of your life.

The first step is to seek the advice of a qualified mental health professional. The professional may want to utilize a treatment plan that includes cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). The Anxiety and Depression Association of America say that “most people who seek treatment experience significant improvement and enjoy an improved quality of life.” The ADAA provides a list of questions and other tips before attending your first appointment.

It’s also important to consider your lifestyle and what changes may need to be made to help you achieve better equilibrium. People who have a lot of stress at work or home, suffer from a lack of sleep or exercise, or had a traumatic event or illness can open the door to OCD behaviors. To help maintain control, try some of the following suggestions:

Take a timeout: Give yourself at least one day a week or a couple of hours each day to turn off the cell phone, shut down the laptop, and simply decompress. Read a book, watch a movie, or take a walk.

Stay connected to family and friends: When experiencing OCD symptoms, it’s not uncommon to socially isolate yourself. Unfortunately, this may intensify your anxiety. Instead, meet friends for coffee, or take the kids to the park. Invite family members over for dinner.

Live a healthy lifestyle: Eat healthy meals and snacks throughout the day, drink plenty of water, and make time for exercise. Participate in local 5K runs or walks that will help get you moving and introduce you to new people. You should also reduce the use of alcohol and nicotine, and get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.

Use diversionary tactics. If you feel the onset of OCD symptoms, go for a walk down the street or around the park. You can also try diverting yourself by watching TV, playing a video game, talking to someone on the phone, or listening to soothing music.

Learn to recognize triggers. Triggers could be people, places or objects. Understanding how your body and mind respond to certain types of stimuli will help you develop a better response when you become anxious and start experiencing OCD symptoms.

Try relaxation techniques. Yoga, mindful meditation, and deep breathing have been successful at reducing symptoms. Relax your breathing and muscles by closing your eyes and taking ten deep breaths through your nose. Visualize yourself in a serene location such as a stream with the water flowing gently by, or the shoreline with gently cresting waves.

Just remember that changes will occur gradually by taking one step at a time, one day at a time.

The International OCD Foundation describes OCD as a mental health disorder that “affects people of all ages and walks of life, and occurs when a person gets caught in a cycle of obsessions and compulsions.” In the vicious cycle of OCD, the obsessive thought or image generates anxiety, which in turn produces the compulsive behavior that provides temporary relief.

Obsessions are defined as “thoughts, images or impulses that occur over and over again and feel outside of the person’s control.” Of course, these uncontrollable thoughts or images can be very scary while creating feelings of disgust or uncertainty.

Compulsions are rituals or behaviors that are performed in an attempt to make the negative thoughts or images go away, and hopefully lower their level of anxiety.

Some of the obsessions an individual may have are:

• Afraid of contamination or germs
• Worried about getting hurt or sick
• Fear of harming themselves or someone else
• Anxious about losing things or forgetting something important
• Need for symmetry and order
• Superstitious about colors or numbers
• Engrossed with bodily wastes or fluids
• Perverse sexual thoughts or impulses
• Obsessed with religion or morality
• Concerned about discarding things

Certain compulsions that may be exhibited are:

• Grooming rituals such as washing hands or brushing teeth a certain way
• Cleaning rituals such as excessively showering or washing dishes
• Repeating routine activities such as doing a certain task three times
• Checking rituals such as making sure a door is locked over and over again
• Collecting or hoarding items of little or no value
• Arranging and rearranging things in order

There are a number of things that someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder can do that include making lifestyle changes, practicing relaxation techniques, and learning how to recognize and resist compulsive rituals. We will discuss these in more detail in “Managing Obsessive Compulsive Disorders.”

It’s also important to work with a mental health professional who uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Sometimes, medication is also needed to reduce anxiety and handle depression. Just remember that changes will occur gradually by taking one step at a time, one day at a time.

How does someone develop a new habit? Contrary to popular belief, it usually takes more than 21 days to make or break a habit. This was a myth developed in the 1960s. Perhaps this is why so many people throw in the towel after 3-4 weeks. However, a few years ago, British researchers reported in the European Journal of Social Psychology that it took anywhere from 18 days to 245 days to learn a new habit, depending on the temperament of the individual and the task involved. An average of 66 days.

In addition, the study showed that occasional lapses in practicing the habit did not affect the habit formation process as long as the individual picked up where they left off. What this means is you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you miss a workout routine, or decide to have dessert once in a while.

Many people think they fail at creating new habits because they lack willpower. The truth probably is they didn’t effectively plan on how to change their situation or lifestyle that would help them change their behavior. As the saying goes, “you are a product of your environment,” so it is important to establish a successful game plan that will help you stay on track.

For example, overcoming procrastination involves more than just saying, “Hey, starting tomorrow I’m going to stop waiting until the last minute.” Procrastinators can change their behavior by developing pro-active routines to help them achieve their goals. This includes identifying problem areas, learning how to manage time, and eliminating distractions.

Other ways you can create new habits are:

Break it down. Lofty goals can be overwhelming if they are not broken into smaller pieces. Start by making a list of everything you want to accomplish and then assign realistic goals.

Create a chain reaction. What this means is adding a new link into an already existing routine. If you’re in the habit of stopping by the local coffee shop for a frothy sugar-laced latte, opt for the “skinny” version with steamed nonfat milk and sugar-free flavored syrup. You’re not changing a pleasurable routine – just a behavior.

Set reminders. It’s hard to stay motivated if you can’t remember what you’re supposed to do. Set up a reminder system that will prompt you to carry out new routines that will become habit forming. This could be something as simple as writing notes on the bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker, or downloading a reminder app on your smartphone.

Embrace routines. Research shows that our mental energy dwindles when faced with too many choices. According to an article in the Harvard Business Review, the best way to maintain long-term discipline is, “Identify the aspects of your life that you consider mundane — and then ‘routinize’ those aspects as much as possible. In short, make fewer decisions.”

Reward yourself. Once you’ve reached a personal goal, reward yourself by indulging in something enjoyable. It could be something as simple as watching a favorite movie or taking a walk.

If you are having a problem getting a handle on changing or creating a habit, consider talking with a counselor or therapist who can help you make an effective action plan and work toward goals, while providing much needed support.